Monday, September 21, 2009

It’s Over.

It’s over.  I guess I knew it was coming, but I’m sad nonetheless.  I was really hoping to give it a little more time but it has been made clear to me that I no longer have a say.  I’m done.

Breastfeeding.  JC has decided he’s done. I’m done.  And for all the wishing I could take aspirin again, I am sad.  He somehow heard the chimes of his 1st birthday ringing and decided it was over.  I have made offers to no avail.  Sure, I could be happy to relieve my migraines with fantastic medicine.  I could be glad to be rid of the breast pump I carried to work, or to overnight stays where I might be away for several hours.  I should be glad to use up all the frozen stores of milk taking up space in the freezer.  I should be celebrating with a beer (or several).  But I’m just not in the mood.  I’m feeling a bit sad. Nostalgic.  All of my kiddos nursed until 14 or 15 months.  JC has asserted his independence and caught me a bit off guard.  This probably won’t be the last time he does that.  I really assumed I was calling the shots and would be weaning him when I was ready.  No, I wasn’t planning to be feeding him during his kindergarten milk breaks, but I thought I at least had a few more months.

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It’s not just that I was feeding him.  Breastfeeding is bonding time.  Quiet time.  It was the few moments in a day where I was forced to NOT do something, no multitasking.  I liked it.  Even when I complained that I can’t get everything for everyone else and nurse the baby at the same time (well, most of the time).  I will miss it.  This is the last baby, so this is really the last time.  My breasts have retired.  According to me, anyway.  Apparently my husband disagrees.

2 comments:

Jena9286 said...

I feel your pain Mel. Giving up the last one was really hard on me too. Luckily for me Aaron nursed till he was 25 months old. Longest out of all of them but still hard. But I find Aaron needs his mommy the most out of all the kids. Good luck through your grieving process. :)

Joe and Leanna said...

Awww...I know, it is hard! Be thankful for the year that you did get. Yea, just figures hubby would think otherwise! LOL